Thankful

I've always loved Thanksgiving. It easily rivals Christmas as my favorite holiday. They are both special in their own way, but there is something to be said for lots of amazing food; ample time spent with family, where the most taxing activity is deciding whether to watch football or a movie; no stress around buying, wrapping, or shipping gifts; and no jam packed schedules. And this year, more than ever, I am reminded of what the season is really about: gratitude for all of our blessings, big and small. With that in mind, I thought I'd share a few of mine:

• A funny, supportive, exuberant, and loving husband
• The health and safety of my family - who are also loving, supportive, and generally awesome
• My own health and safety - I may have been beat up a little bit over the past few weeks, but I'm doing just fine and am hopeful for a complete recovery
• Medical insurance and good doctors, which allow me to get better in the first place
• A roof over my head and heat when it's cold out (or AC when it's hot, as the case may be here in Austin where the high was 83 today)
• Access to plentiful, wholesome food and clean water
• Caring friends, from both near and far, who come out of the woodwork and show their support when you need it most
• The ability to step back and realize that although my life isn't perfect, I have more than enough in so many areas of my life and that I am truly one of the lucky ones
• And of course: trashy television, DVRs (with which to enjoy said trashy television), red wine, dark chocolate, extra stinky cheese, and totally engrossing novels

And with that, we're off to Portland to celebrate with my family. Happy Thanksgiving!

On the mend

Thank you for all of your emails, thoughts, and good wishes! The surgery went really well on Monday. I did end up losing quite a bit of blood, but nothing that a few days of bed rest and a lot of fluids can't cure. We're waiting on test results that we should get sometime next week, but the doctor said the tissue he removed didn't look quite like he expected. This means that it might have been a partial, instead of complete, molar pregnancy, and the implications for long term follow up would be a little less serious. We're keeping our fingers crossed for good news, but regardless of the results I am trying to stay focused on everything we have to be thankful for this season-- which is quite a lot.

Update and prayers needed

Well, unfortunately, it turns out that my miscarriage wasn't just a miscarriage. On Friday I was diagnosed with a molar pregnancy. It's extremely rare, and it's pretty complicated, but it essentially means that the pregnancy tissue has been growing rapidly, like a tumor, in my uterus. It is most likely benign, but we won't know for sure until we get some test results back in 2-3 weeks. Tomorrow morning, I need to have a surgical procedure to remove all of the tissue, and then I will need to be monitored weekly for the next 6 months or so to make sure my hcg levels go down to zero and stay that way. We may be able to have children at some point in the future, but we won't know for sure until we get the test results back, and even then, it will be a ways off. To say that I'm shocked is an understatement. I was shocked when I thought I was having a miscarriage, and the odds of that happening are about 20%. The odds of this happening instead are 0.1%. I keep joking that apparently I should go to Vegas more often.

My procedure tomorrow is a little bit risky because there is some danger of hemorrhaging and losing quite a bit of blood. I am just trying to stay positive and focus on getting through tomorrow with flying colors, and not think about the long road ahead of us after that. I would appreciate your thoughts, prayers, or any positive energy you can throw my way as we embark on this journey. Hopefully, I will have good news to share in the next few days.

Friday Night Fever!

This happened a few months ago, but for those of you following our Friday Night Lights obsession, this was too good not to share. Earlier this year, J signed up to be an extra on Friday Night Lights. With his baby face youthful good looks, he was actually contacted several times to appear in the show. (Side note: he was also selected to be an extra in ABC's ill-fated My Generation, and wound up being featured pretty heavily in a party scene in what would have been in episode 7, but it got cancelled after only two episodes were aired. Bummer.) Anyway, he was contacted several times to appear in Friday Night Lights, but was never able to make it due to his school schedule.

At the beginning of the summer, he received a notice that they were casting extras for the final episode of the show to be filmed in Austin (the end of season 5, which will air on NBC next spring/summer.) Again, he was unable to do it because it required a 3 day commitment. It was going to be a big football scene-- the East Dillon Lions' last home game. Although he couldn't participate, we thought we'd just drive out to see if we could catch any of it being filmed. Since it was the last game, we thought it must be some kind of championship, and therefore that it must be being filmed at UT's Memorial Stadium (where they played their championship game in season 3.) So we drove out to the stadium on the first night we knew they were filming. No dice. No lights, no trucks, nothing.

The next night, on a whim, we decided to drive out to the old Del Valle High School field near the airport, which we knew was the setting for Panthers' home field. We had no idea where the Lions' field was, but thought we'd give it a shot. Bingo! Before we could even see the field, we saw the lights. As we approached, we saw tons of vans and trailers everywhere. We parked at a nearby Days Inn and strategized ways to sneak into (or at least walk by) the action. Unfortunately, the shrubs between the Days Inn parking lot and the stadium were too high to see over, and I was not willing to wade through knee-high grass, in the dark, on a hot Texas night, in sandals, to get to the other side of the stadium for a peek. (Just thinking about what might have been in that grass makes me shiver.) J was adamant that we couldn't just drive down the street where they were filming because someone would surely catch us and he didn't want to get busted for trespassing. I, on the other hand, was a feeling a little more reckless. So I took the wheel and we just drove right up to the stadium.

Instead of security patrolling the block, as J had expected, we found a row of trailer homes situated directly across from the field, and the 'hood was out in full force watching the show being filmed. People were parked in camping chairs, in little kiddie plastic pools, or on the roofs of their trailer drinking beer, taking pictures, and generally just enjoying the show. Clearly security was not a concern. So we parked our car and just walked right up to the edge of the stadium.

I couldn't see a lot of action on the field with out blatantly sneaking into the shot, but I saw stadium full of fans in red and white (Lions' colors), and then the best part... I saw someone leave the stadium and start walking towards me. As she got closer, I saw that it was Connie Britton in all of her Tami Taylor glory. I'm talking short black dress, cowboy boots, and those flowing locks. She seriously has the best hair. She walked right next to me as I walked back to the car. Like, literally, 2-3 feet away from me. Then we started our car and drove slowly down the street (due to the aforementioned neighbors' antics) and she was literally walking right next to our car for about a block as she walked to her trailer. She was texting or checking something on her phone, so we didn't interact at all, but still... pretty cool. We also ran into her this past spring across the street from our apartment at the Hotel San Jose's pool bar, and, ladies, let me tell you... I will be thrilled to look half as good as her when I'm in my mid-40s. She looks pretty fit and attractive on TV, but she looks amazing in real life.

So we missed out on being extras in Friday Night Lights, but we still got in on a little piece of the action of the final episode ever. When you're watching season 5 next summer, keep an eye out for Tami at a Lion's game in a black dress, and think of us.

Gypsy Picnic

This weekend was pretty chill, and exactly what I needed. I slept (a lot), got back into my workout groove, cleaned the house, and ran some much needed errands. But we did manage to sneak a little fun into the weekend, too. Knowing that we may not live here forever (caution: big, scary life decisions ahead as we approach J's last semester of business school), I've been trying to make more of a conscious effort to get out and enjoy Austin and its distinctive quirkiness.

Airstream trailer dining is a big thing in Austin. Some of them roam freely around the city and some are parked in specific, permanent locations. They serve everything from tacos to Korean barbecue to Indian food to BBQ and good ol' Southern comfort food. Some try to provide an upscale trailer experience, like my favorite Indian place, G'Raj Mahal. G'Raj (pronounced Garage) has a nice tented patio with wrought iron chairs and tables and nice lighting. They wait on you at your table and, other than the fact that you're eating outside in a vacant lot near some dilapidated buildings, it feels like a decent restaurant. They don't have a liquor license, but who can complain about BYOB? Most people bring beer or a bottle of wine to enjoy with their food. (If you go, get the Saag. Mmmmmm.) Other trailers are unabashedly low rent (numerous taco trucks come to mind), but their food is equally delicious.

This past Saturday 30 different trailers gathered together at Auditorium Shores as part of the Gypsy Picnic. Admission was free and the idea was essentially to roam around and purchase small tastes (about $3-$5 each) from multiple different vendors. This being Austin, there was also a stage with numerous different live music acts throughout the afternoon and two beer gardens. Lines were long for most of the trailers, but we were impressed that the "tastes" were actually pretty substantial for $3. We tried tacos and homemade hot sauce from Royito's Hot Sauce Streamer and shrimp po'boy sandwiches from Turf N Surf Po'Boy.

After that we just kind of wandered around, chatted up some friends we ran into, and enjoyed the beautiful weather. Of course all of this strenuous activity necessitated nap when we got home, but it was well worth the effort. ; )

Latest Flicks

Thank you for your sweet comments on my last post. I really appreciate it. Recently, I've read a few stories of other women's experiences with miscarriages on various blogs, and it helped me feel a little bit better that I'm not the only one out there going through this. I don't exactly have a huge following on this blog, but figured if it helped me to hear someone else's story, it may help someone else to hear mine.

On a lighter note, I am so excited that we are getting into prime movie season... Oscar contender time. Late fall is when so many of the best movies of the year come out. Recently, I've seen the following films:

I really enjoyed both Social Network and The Town. Social Network was fascinating-- it's amazing to think that something so ubiquitous as Facebook started up in some random kid's dorm room (albeit a brilliant, though socially awkward, kid.) Facebook didn't really catch on until after I was in college, but I remember my sister spending a bunch of time on it when she was in college and I so did not get it. I couldn't understand why anyone would want to sit around post stuff on their profile and stalk ex-junior high friends' pictures. It seemed like a JV version of MySpace (which I also didn't really get into very much.) Of course, now I check Facebook on my iPhone regularly. It's just a part of life now.

As for The Town... nail biting plot, strong acting, and Jon Hamm + Ben Affleck in the same movie? Sold. The only thing I didn't love was that Jon Hamm was essentially Don Draper dressed as an FBI agent. He's hilarious when he does cameos on 30 Rock, and he was amazing when he participated in the opening number for the Emmy's, so obviously he's got some range. It would be great to see him in some different types of roles.

That brings us to Never Let Me Go. This was one of those films (and I use the word "film" intentionally) that is beautifully written and art directed. The cinematography is stunning. The acting will probably garner at a least a few Academy nods. But, geez. Could it be any more of a downer?? Quick plot summary: a bunch of kids are created through cloning and then raised from birth to ultimately become organ donors in a society that has essentially eradicated disease (because they can replace your lungs, kidneys, liver, heart, or [fill in the blank] courtesy of the donors.) So, um, these kids grow up knowing they will die. And then they do. Yeah, there's some other stuff that happens (I won't ruin the entire thing for you), but all in all, it was probably not the film I should have seen earlier this week while feeling a little down due to other circumstances. Maybe put it on your Netflix queue when you need a good cry.

We saw the preview for Black Swan with Natalie Portman, which I am intrigued by, but not 100% sold that I should see it in the theater. I love Natalie Portman, but this movie looks like a classy mash up of Center Stage and Single White Female. I'm not sure that's totally up my alley.

What good movies have you seen lately? Are there any upcoming films you are really looking forward to seeing?

A loss

This past weekend Jason and I suffered the loss of our first pregnancy. I debated about whether or not to share this news here, but after thinking about it, I realized that I want this blog to be a real and accurate reflection of our lives-- not just a summary of the fun trips we take, entertaining movies we see, or delicious new recipes I try. And since the miscarriage is what's on my mind right now, I decided it's what I should write about.

The pregnancy was a huge surprise to us in the first place. While we both want children at some point (and probably sooner rather than later), we weren't officially "trying," and weren't planning to until we had a better idea of our future after business school. But in early October, I started feeling a little off-- tired, run down, and just not myself. A pregnancy seemed far fetched, but as the days passed I began to wonder if it might be a real possibility. On October 13th I took a test, and the positive sign popped up immediately-- even before the control line appeared. Even though I had suspected (and shared my suspicions with J), it was still shocking to see it confirmed so quickly. The first 24 hours was a mix of Oh-My-Gosh-How-Did-This-Happen-Am-I-Ready-For-This anxiety and Oh-My-Gosh-This-Is-Amazing-I-Am-So-Excited elation.

Quickly, we adapted to the idea of welcoming our new addition in late June and began sharing the thrilling news with our immediate family members and a few close friends. As the days wore on, we became more and more excited... reading our pregnancy books, talking about the baby as it grew from the size of a poppy seed to the size of an orange seed, and imagining our lives as a family of three. The pregnancy was smooth sailing for me-- aside from some serious fatigue and the occasional headache, I felt great.

But then last Friday, at exactly 6 weeks, I noticed some very light spotting. I honestly wasn't too concerned about it because I had read that it can happen during the first trimester and not signal any major problems. But, just to be safe, I called the doctor. They suggested I come in for an ultrasound just to confirm everything was OK. As I waited for my appointment, I began to get a little nervous, but tried to reassure myself that everything would be fine. Unfortunately, the ultrasound tech was particularly quiet during the procedure, and I could tell it wasn't good news. A little while later, the doctor took me into an exam room and informed me that what they saw on the ultrasound was not consistent with a baby that should be developed to 6 weeks of gestation, and, most likely, I was experiencing the beginning of a miscarriage. Sure enough, the miscarriage began in earnest later that night.

Jason and I were both shocked and devastated by the news, and Friday was a tough day. Since then, the immediate shock has worn off and I have daily ups and downs-- sometimes feeling OK and accepting it, and other times just feeling a dull sadness or depression about it. I know grief is a process, and it will probably continue like this for a while. After lots of reading, I've learned that almost 9 out of 10 women go on to have a healthy pregnancy after a miscarriage, so I am cautiously optimistic that we'll have better luck next time. I do feel some anxiety about trying a again because I know that as difficult as one miscarriage was, a second one would be exponentially more painful. But, for now, I am trying not to worry about this and to just stay positive and take it one day at a time. When the time is right, we will try again, and I know that in the long run, no matter what happens, everything will be fine.