One Year: A Letter

Dear Nicholas,

You are one year old! In the days leading up to your birthday, I've been reminiscing about what I was doing a year ago-- the aches and pains and sleepless nights of being 9 months pregnant, the overwhelming anticipation, the nervousness, the excitement. I remember sewing all of the elephants on your mobile, as I wondered what you would look like and what your personality would be like. The last few weeks of my pregnancy with you were a precious time that I will always remember. But meeting you, getting to know you, and spending the last year with you has far exceeded any of my expectations. You are simply the cutest, smartest, funniest, most adorable baby we have ever laid eyes on.

So what were you up to during your 12th month? The month began just a few days before Christmas, when we traveled to Seattle to spend the holiday with Dzia Dzia and Grandmama. We spent your first Christmas there, and then traveled down to Portland on the 27th to visit Gammy, Grandpa, and your aunts and uncles. Unfortunately, you suffered through your worst illness to date and were sick during our entire trip to the Northwest. By the last night in Portland, I was truly worried about your health and whether you would be able to handle the plane trip home, but you soldiered through and then surprised us by immediately perking up as soon as we got you home and in your own room on the evening of the 31st. Maybe you were just excited to see all your toys? We took you to the doctor as soon as they opened on the 2nd of January and discovered you had a double ear infection on top of a nasty cold virus. Fortunately, you were back to your old self within the first week of January.

Your 12th month saw a few big milestones. The biggest of these was that you weaned yourself right after Christmas. I think it was due in large part to how sick you were and you just couldn't nurse and breathe at the same time. As a result, you would get frustrated and then just want to quit nursing all together. While we were in Portland, you nursed for increasingly shorter periods of time, and then on our last night there you refused all together. I was really sad about this because I wasn't quite ready to end this chapter in our lives. But then you surprised me by nursing really well one more time on the plane ride home. I thought that meant we would continue the habit for a while longer, but as soon as we got home you were done. While I was sad to see this important part of our relationship end, I am happy that we did it on your terms and that you were ready to move on. Once we transitioned away from nursing, you were more than happy to guzzle down your big bottles of formula and you haven't looked back since.

Your vocabulary blossomed during your 12th month. You looked at me and said "mama" for the first time on January 9th. You still say it very sparingly, so I'm thrilled any time I hear it . You also say "ma" very frequently, but you're usually screaming it while I am frantically shoveling puffs onto your tray. "Ma" is your word for "more," and  Belkis, our Cuban babysitter who is also one of your teachers at school, pointed out that you may be saying "mas" because a lot of the teachers at school speak Spanish. If so, we're on totally on board. Bring on the Espanol. Another new word is "nana" (banana), which is something you always want "mas" of. You also frequently make requests for "puh" (puffs.) And you are starting to say "nuh nuh nuh," which I think is your way of parroting back the "no's" you are beginning to hear regularly. Your best word to date is "bubble," which you said to me with crystal clarity over Christmas and then clapped your hands. I was shocked because we used to sing a song about bubbles with accompanying hand clapping when we went to Gymboree over the summer. I had sung it back to you a few times since then, but not regularly at all. But you looked me in the eye, said "bub-ble" and clapped your hands. Of course I had to oblige. We now sing Bubbles on a near daily basis, and you still love the hand clapping.

You are still doing a great job sleeping through the night. You go to bed around 7pm, and wake up sometime between 6-7am. However, naps continue to be a struggle as usual. You transitioned up to the Young Toddler room in early January, and everyone takes one nap a day at the same time. Your teachers tell me you sleep about 1.5-2 hours a day beginning around 12:30pm, but we cannot seem to replicate that at home at all. We are lucky to get a 1 hour nap, and it's usually more like 45 minutes-- which leaves both you and I tired and cranky later in the afternoon. Still, I am grateful that you are a good nighttime sleeper.

Moving up to the Young Toddler room was a big transition for you, and it took you a few weeks before you found your footing and began to get comfortable in your new classroom. For most of your 12th month, you've been a little more clingy than usual, which I think is due to the transition and also due to some separation anxiety, which is normal at this age.

At 12 months, you weigh 22 lbs., 11 oz., and you are 30 inches tall (50th percentile for both.) Your head is 49 cm around, which is still off the charts in the 98th percentile. You wear size 12 month clothing, and you wear size 4 diapers. You love looking at yourself in the mirror-- often waving at and sometimes kissing your reflection, singing songs  (especially "Bubbles"), taking baths with your "dut," playing in the backyard, standing at the windowsill and looking outside, drinking water from your sippy cup, playing peek-a-boo, and pushing chairs-- or anything that moves-- around the floor of our house.

You really do not like getting your diapers changed, getting strapped into your car seat, getting into your high chair (unless we bribe you with puffs), and being fed most types of food. (You want to do it yourself.) You are (usually) happy, you have a great sense of humor, you are more independent by the day, and you are bursting with energy. Most days, you wear us out. But we wouldn't have it any other way.

Nicholas, being your mother is a privilege for which I will always be grateful, and your first year has been nothing short of exceptional-- one of the best years of my life. I want you to know that you are loved beyond words, and that both Daddy's and my life are better because you're in it. This is just the beginning, and I can't wait to see what's next. Happy birthday, buddy.

All my love,
Mommy

Christmas 2012

New Years has come and gone, but I'm just getting around to posting about our Christmas vacation. We just got our Christmas decorations put away this weekend, so maybe I'm right on time? Regardless, we spent a fun-filled, busy week in the Northwest and I wanted to share some of the pictures. 

We actually began our Christmas festivities on the 22nd when Jason, Nicholas, and I celebrated our little family Christmas at home. Nicholas was starting to come down with a cold, so he was a little low energy and not too interested in unwrapping gifts. At 11 months, we weren't expecting him to get too excited about presents, but we thought he would at least get excited about tearing up wrapping paper. Not so much. Instead we spent the entire time with one of us guarding him from pulling up on our glass coffee table (which we desperately need to replace with something more kid-friendly) while the other hastily opened his presents (which comprised about 90% of all the under-tree loot.) Despite his lack of interest in anything Christmas, we had fun and just kept laughing about how different things will be when he's a few years older. 

On the 23rd we flew to Seattle to celebrate Christmas with Dzia Dzia and Grandmama, along with Cheddar the cat. Unfortunately Nicholas' cold hit with full force once we arrived in Seattle, so he spent his first Christmas sleeping a lot and just generally not feeling great. 

However, Santa (along with Dzia Dzia, Grandmama, Aunt Kristin, and Uncle Dan) did not disappoint and Nicholas was showered with new toys. 

(Jason and I got a few new toys as well...)

Jason and I also enjoyed an afternoon out to see the latest Bond movie while his parents babysat, and a quick visit with a few of my girlfriends in West Seattle.

On the 27th, we headed down to Portland to visit with my family. Nicholas got to see all of his aunts and uncles on my side of the family (including Aunt Laura who introduced him to the piano... we can tell this will be a source of entertainment for him for many years whenever he visits Gammy and Grandpa's house.)

While we were there, we also saw my grandparents and a few aunts and uncles on my dad's side of the family. And, one of my best friends from high school, who was in town for the first time in six years, organized a lunch for a few of us to all get together and introduce our kids. (Hi Katie!) Unfortunately I didn't get pictures at any of these gatherings. I need to do a better job of remembering my camera.

At the end of our visit, my Aunt Mary and Uncle John, along with my cousin Justin, his wife, Lauren, and their baby, Blaine, all came over for a big family dinner on their way out of town. They had been in Oregon introducing Blaine to my grandparents on my mom's side and were flying back to the east coast the next day. We had a great time catching up and introducing second cousins Nicholas and Blaine, who are about four and a half months apart.

Nicholas was still sick, so we had to keep the babies apart most of the evening (and we fear Nicholas may have spread his germs anyway), but it was fun for Nicholas to meet the only other baby of his generation on either side of the family. We're hoping for a few more cousins in 2013!

Our trip felt too short (as they always do), but we were happy to get home after a long day of flying on the 31st. Jason and I were wiped out after a 7 hour trip home and we rang in a quiet new year (and by "quiet" I mean asleep at 10:45pm -- how the times have changed), but it was worth it to catch up with so many family members and friends. We're already looking forward to another trip home this summer and visits from Jason's family and my sister this spring.

How It's Been

With the exception of Nicholas' monthly updates-- which are essentially his baby book (and thus the guilt meter starts to creep up if I delay them too long)-- it's been nothing but radio silence over here for a few months. I've been meaning to write a real update for weeks now, but, well... time is a precious commodity these days. So... an update. Here goes. This working mom thing? Um, it's hard. I realize this is not exactly earth shattering news. I also did not go into this new role thinking, "this is going to be a piece of cake." And, this is not to say that staying home with a baby was easy. I enjoyed it, but many days it was also very challenging. Nonetheless, working full time has definitely been more difficult than I expected, and challenging in different ways than I expected.

Let's start with the positives-- the job itself is going really well. I (mostly) enjoy what I'm doing. I have a great rapport with my boss. And I really like the company and the people who work there. I am grateful for all of this because it has definitely made the transition back to work and being away from Nicholas easier. Nicholas also seems to be adapting well to daycare, and we really like his school and his teachers.

On the other hand, I have really struggled with having very little quality time with my son each day. We spend about 45 minutes with him each morning before we head out the door, but most of that time is spent getting him ready and then running around trying to get ourselves ready and get his bag packed for school. Once we pick him up in the evening, we have about an hour and a half before we put him to bed. (It's lights out around 7pm each night.) The majority of this time time is spent feeding him dinner, bathing him, and doing his bedtime routine. We will usually get about 15-20 minutes of play time. Unfortunately, this is often his (and my) most fussy, tired time of day, so it's not always the best "quality time." We do have the weekends, but I need to use a lot of that time to grocery shop/run errands/catch up on laundry/do everything that it takes to run our household-- and, if I'm lucky, maybe find a few minutes to myself to relax. 

I do think I'm slowly adapting to our new routine-- while I was completely and utterly exhausted to the point of tears most nights for the first month or two, I'm gradually building up my tolerance. Maybe it's like starting a new work out routine? (I wouldn't know since I've set foot in a gym exactly once in the past 3 months. That's another topic...) This post isn't meant to be all "poor me... my life is so hard." It's not. We are incredibly blessed, and I am grateful for each day I have, regardless of how tired I am at the end of each day, and for each few minutes of time I can spend with Nicholas, even if we're both worn out and cranky. And the good news is that juggling work and family and home does seem to get easier with time. I'm learning to lower my standards where necessary, to really start prioritizing how I spend my time, and that "balance" may always be elusive for me-- so I shouldn't beat myself up on the days when it seems particularly unattainable. I'm trying to just deal with each day as it comes, give it my best shot, and grant myself grace whenever I feel like I'm falling short.

So, that's it. That's life for me right now. We've had a lot of change and transition in the past few months and I am looking forward to relaxing into our new routine a bit more in 2013. I'll let you know how it goes...

Eleven Months: A Letter

Dear Nicholas,

You are now just a few weeks away from your first birthday-- a fact I struggle with accepting daily. On one hand, I couldn't be more excited and proud about who you are and who you are becoming. You are friendly, out-going, and goofy. You've never met a stranger, and you just light up with excitement and curiosity when you're surrounded by new faces. But you have a serious side, too. Rarely do you seem frightened by new places or new experiences, but when you're in unfamiliar surroundings you'll sometimes become very quiet  and pensive, thinking deep thoughts as you take it all in. We think you may become quite scholarly. We are also discovering that you are very independent and seem to have a little bit of a dare devil in you. You are growing, developing, and learning new skills daily-- which is both fun and exciting to watch.

On the other hand, I am sad to see your babyhood fade away. You become more independent by the week, and although I know I've got the better part of two decades until you fly the coop, it makes me sad to think about how you'll need me less and less as the years progress. I'm realizing that motherhood is a very slow, gradual progression of letting go. So I am really just trying to stay present and enjoy every moment. (Or most of them... ; )

On to the good stuff! Your 11th month began just after Thanksgiving while Gammy and Grandpa were visiting and continued through most of December. The weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas flew by--as they tend to-- with lots of holiday decorating, shopping, and merry-making. On December 22nd, we celebrated our first little family Christmas here in our new house before flying out to the Northwest on the 23rd to spend Christmas in Seattle and a few days afterward in Portland.

You were mostly uninterested in the presents and just wanted to keep pulling up on our glass coffee table (increasingly a no-no due to the sharp corners), but we got you a little bit excited about some crumpled wrapping paper and an alligator toy from Gammy. You were curious about your first Christmas tree, but you were content to just sit back and look at it-- rather than grabbing off the ornaments, as we had feared. We also had fun doing a special craft to remember your first Christmas. We made salt dough ornaments with impressions of your hands and feet. We had numerous takes trying to get an imprint of your hand where you didn't just grab the dough and crinkle it all up, but eventually Daddy perfected the timing of giving you a yogurt melt to distract you just as I pressed your hand into the dough, and we made a few great ornaments which will hopefully grace our tree for years to come.

Month 11 also included some exciting milestones. Although you started pulling up in month ten, you perfected the art during your 11th month. You now can (and do) pull up on just about anything you can get your hands on, and you have started cruising a little bit, particularly along the edge of the bathtub in our bathroom. You think this is so exciting, which is fortunate for us as it occupies you while we're getting ready for work in the morning.

Even more exciting, you really began communicating verbally during your 11th month. In addition to "dada," you can now say "bot" (bottle), "ba" (ball), "bye bye" (though I've only heard it once, the day Gammy and Grandpa flew home, because she had been practicing it with you throughout Thanksgiving weekend), "uh oh" (used when something drops; sometimes you just say "uh" and forget the "oh"), and-- my favorite-- "dut" (duck.) Gammy gave you a Puddles the Duck during her visit and it wasn't long afterward that you started saying "dut, dut, dut" anytime you saw the Duck. Even with Oregon Duck blood running through your veins, I couldn't believe this was your third word (after bye bye, said only once to date) until I remembered that bath time with your rubber "dut" is the highlight of your day. I love seeing how your brain makes connections like this.

You also started clapping this month. Initially you would only clap your hands together once or twice after we clapped a whole bunch, and sometimes you will bring your hands together and miss, but you are becoming increasingly dexterous and will sometimes now clap unprompted.

Our one hurdle during month 11 was finally getting serious about completing your sleep training. You've been going to bed around 7pm regularly for months, usually with very little fuss. But all the way through November you were still waking up once a night-- anywhere between 3-5am-- wanting to eat. The week after Thanksgiving we decided it was time to let you cry it out. The first night you woke up and cried for about 15-20 minutes before I went in to check on you. When I went in, I just rubbed your tummy, but didn't get you out of the crib and you did not like that at all. We were prepared for a long night of crying, but about 10 minutes after my first visit to your room you fell back asleep until after 6am. On the second and third nights there was less crying, and since then, you've regularly been sleeping from about 7pm to 6:30am. I now get 7-8 uninterrupted hours of sleep each night, which has made a huge improvement on my energy levels. So thank you, buddy.

During most of your 11th month, you were nursing first thing in the morning and right before bed, but in the last few days before you turned 11 months, you decided you were through with your morning nursing session and that you prefer a bottle instead. You take 3 other bottles each day at school, which range from 4-6 oz. You are also eating three (!) 6-oz. jars of stage 3 baby food each day at school, in addition to other snacks like large chunks of banana, oatmeal, and yogurt. Your pincer grasp developed early, and you have been self-feeding puffs, yogurt melts, small pieces of cheese, mandarin orange slices in juice, and chunks of cooked food such as Brussels sprouts, broccoli, pasta, and waffles (to name a few) for several months now. You are still a little hesitant about new foods and will frequently resist the first few bites, but once you decide something is tasty, you will enthusiastically feed yourself. You still only have 4 upper teeth and 2 lower teeth, but I think you've been working on a new set of lower teeth for a while now. I'm looking forward to cooking more types of foods to expand your palate in the coming months.

Waking up to your smiles and giggles, and coming home to you each evening are the highlights of my day. I love rediscovering the world around me through your big blue eyes, and I know it's only going to get better.

I love you, Goose.

Mommy