How It's Been

With the exception of Nicholas' monthly updates-- which are essentially his baby book (and thus the guilt meter starts to creep up if I delay them too long)-- it's been nothing but radio silence over here for a few months. I've been meaning to write a real update for weeks now, but, well... time is a precious commodity these days. So... an update. Here goes. This working mom thing? Um, it's hard. I realize this is not exactly earth shattering news. I also did not go into this new role thinking, "this is going to be a piece of cake." And, this is not to say that staying home with a baby was easy. I enjoyed it, but many days it was also very challenging. Nonetheless, working full time has definitely been more difficult than I expected, and challenging in different ways than I expected.

Let's start with the positives-- the job itself is going really well. I (mostly) enjoy what I'm doing. I have a great rapport with my boss. And I really like the company and the people who work there. I am grateful for all of this because it has definitely made the transition back to work and being away from Nicholas easier. Nicholas also seems to be adapting well to daycare, and we really like his school and his teachers.

On the other hand, I have really struggled with having very little quality time with my son each day. We spend about 45 minutes with him each morning before we head out the door, but most of that time is spent getting him ready and then running around trying to get ourselves ready and get his bag packed for school. Once we pick him up in the evening, we have about an hour and a half before we put him to bed. (It's lights out around 7pm each night.) The majority of this time time is spent feeding him dinner, bathing him, and doing his bedtime routine. We will usually get about 15-20 minutes of play time. Unfortunately, this is often his (and my) most fussy, tired time of day, so it's not always the best "quality time." We do have the weekends, but I need to use a lot of that time to grocery shop/run errands/catch up on laundry/do everything that it takes to run our household-- and, if I'm lucky, maybe find a few minutes to myself to relax. 

I do think I'm slowly adapting to our new routine-- while I was completely and utterly exhausted to the point of tears most nights for the first month or two, I'm gradually building up my tolerance. Maybe it's like starting a new work out routine? (I wouldn't know since I've set foot in a gym exactly once in the past 3 months. That's another topic...) This post isn't meant to be all "poor me... my life is so hard." It's not. We are incredibly blessed, and I am grateful for each day I have, regardless of how tired I am at the end of each day, and for each few minutes of time I can spend with Nicholas, even if we're both worn out and cranky. And the good news is that juggling work and family and home does seem to get easier with time. I'm learning to lower my standards where necessary, to really start prioritizing how I spend my time, and that "balance" may always be elusive for me-- so I shouldn't beat myself up on the days when it seems particularly unattainable. I'm trying to just deal with each day as it comes, give it my best shot, and grant myself grace whenever I feel like I'm falling short.

So, that's it. That's life for me right now. We've had a lot of change and transition in the past few months and I am looking forward to relaxing into our new routine a bit more in 2013. I'll let you know how it goes...