Introducing...

Miss Natalie Ann 

July 16, 2014

7 pounds, 6 ounces

20 1/4 inches

Natalie entered our lives in true diva form via a very surprising emergency c-section two and a half weeks ago. We were grateful to have a wonderful medical team to help us through the birth, and fortunately both she and I are healthy and doing great. While the birth itself was very scary and a little traumatic, since we've been home, she's been a rock star baby, eating and sleeping like a champ. At her two week appointment, she had surpassed her birth weight by over a pound (up to 8 pounds, 10 ounces), and most nights she will give us one 4-5 hour stretch of sleep. Not bad for less than three weeks in!

Natalie has already charmed a slew of visitors, including my mom for two weeks and my dad for the later part of her visit, lots of local friends, and one of my best friends from college who lives down in San Antonio. Jason's parents arrive tomorrow, and after a week (mostly) alone with two kids, I'm very much looking forward to two extra pairs of hands. Big brother Nicholas is doing well-- he definitely has his ups and downs, but most of the time he is very loving and gentle with baby sister. Mid-July in Texas is a little like what I imagine January in Minnesota to be, meaning we are spending little to no time outside. It's been tough being cooped up inside with a newborn and a rowdy two and a half year old who needs lots of physical outlets for all of his energy, but Jason has been great about taking him to the pool multiple times over the weekends, and we squeeze in quick walks to the mailbox or early morning playtimes in the backyard whenever we can.

Overall, Natalie has been a joy to have around, and it's been so much fun to experience a newborn baby again-- this time as a more seasoned and relaxed mom. Parenting two littles is just about as time consuming and tiring as I had expected, so my posts will probably be even fewer and further between than usual, but I hope to post the full birth story in all it's dramatic glory soon. Until then, I am signing off to fold a pile of tiny onesies and then snuggle my girl.

A Little News...

I've been a little quiet (OK, a lot quiet) over here lately... but all for good reason. We are thrilled to announce that Nicholas will become a big brother in mid-July! I am 13 weeks along and doing well. My first trimester sickness has lasted a little bit longer this time around and most days I am totally exhausted (being pregnant and chasing around a toddler is no joke), but baby is healthy and growing so no major complaints. I've got lots to share, including pictures of my (rapidly) growing belly and a belated recap of our holidays, so stay tuned for more!

A Letter to My Son

Hey Buddy,

Yes, you have a name, but your Dad and I have decided not to share it until you make your big debut. We're expecting you any day now and my emotions have run the gamut from nervous and anxious-- will you and I both make it through labor and delivery healthy and safe? will I be up to the demands of caring for a newborn around the clock? will I be a good mom?-- to happy, excited, and curious about who you are and who you will become.

From the looks of the ultrasounds pictures (and I have many, which I've put into an album for you to enjoy one day), I think you take after your Dad in the looks department. You appear to have his profile, cheeks, and chin. It will be interesting to see if this proves true once we really meet you. I'm also very excited to get to know you and learn your little personality. You've been very chill and laid back to date. During my ultrasounds, the technician usually has to jiggle my belly with the ultrasound wand to get you to move. We joke that you love to sleep (like your Mom) and I hope this is truly the case!

Your Dad and I both have many hopes and dreams for you. We talk all the time about the trips we want to take with you, the skills and activities we want to teach you, and all of the exciting things in this big world that we want to share with you. I know your Dad is excited to introduce you to his love of tennis and soccer (you already have a little soccer onesie ready for watching Saturday morning games with him), and I can't wait to take you camping, swimming, and hiking like I did with my family as a child. But, most of all, we just want to support and nurture you as you grow into the person you are uniquely meant to be. We will be your biggest fans and cheerleaders, and we can't wait to experience this lifelong journey we are about to take with you. There will be many ups and downs, but through it all, know that our love for you is unconditional and unending. We are privileged to have the honor of welcoming you into this world and raising you, and we cannot wait to meet you.

All my love,

Momma

P.S. Go easy on me!

Update and prayers needed

Well, unfortunately, it turns out that my miscarriage wasn't just a miscarriage. On Friday I was diagnosed with a molar pregnancy. It's extremely rare, and it's pretty complicated, but it essentially means that the pregnancy tissue has been growing rapidly, like a tumor, in my uterus. It is most likely benign, but we won't know for sure until we get some test results back in 2-3 weeks. Tomorrow morning, I need to have a surgical procedure to remove all of the tissue, and then I will need to be monitored weekly for the next 6 months or so to make sure my hcg levels go down to zero and stay that way. We may be able to have children at some point in the future, but we won't know for sure until we get the test results back, and even then, it will be a ways off. To say that I'm shocked is an understatement. I was shocked when I thought I was having a miscarriage, and the odds of that happening are about 20%. The odds of this happening instead are 0.1%. I keep joking that apparently I should go to Vegas more often.

My procedure tomorrow is a little bit risky because there is some danger of hemorrhaging and losing quite a bit of blood. I am just trying to stay positive and focus on getting through tomorrow with flying colors, and not think about the long road ahead of us after that. I would appreciate your thoughts, prayers, or any positive energy you can throw my way as we embark on this journey. Hopefully, I will have good news to share in the next few days.

A loss

This past weekend Jason and I suffered the loss of our first pregnancy. I debated about whether or not to share this news here, but after thinking about it, I realized that I want this blog to be a real and accurate reflection of our lives-- not just a summary of the fun trips we take, entertaining movies we see, or delicious new recipes I try. And since the miscarriage is what's on my mind right now, I decided it's what I should write about.

The pregnancy was a huge surprise to us in the first place. While we both want children at some point (and probably sooner rather than later), we weren't officially "trying," and weren't planning to until we had a better idea of our future after business school. But in early October, I started feeling a little off-- tired, run down, and just not myself. A pregnancy seemed far fetched, but as the days passed I began to wonder if it might be a real possibility. On October 13th I took a test, and the positive sign popped up immediately-- even before the control line appeared. Even though I had suspected (and shared my suspicions with J), it was still shocking to see it confirmed so quickly. The first 24 hours was a mix of Oh-My-Gosh-How-Did-This-Happen-Am-I-Ready-For-This anxiety and Oh-My-Gosh-This-Is-Amazing-I-Am-So-Excited elation.

Quickly, we adapted to the idea of welcoming our new addition in late June and began sharing the thrilling news with our immediate family members and a few close friends. As the days wore on, we became more and more excited... reading our pregnancy books, talking about the baby as it grew from the size of a poppy seed to the size of an orange seed, and imagining our lives as a family of three. The pregnancy was smooth sailing for me-- aside from some serious fatigue and the occasional headache, I felt great.

But then last Friday, at exactly 6 weeks, I noticed some very light spotting. I honestly wasn't too concerned about it because I had read that it can happen during the first trimester and not signal any major problems. But, just to be safe, I called the doctor. They suggested I come in for an ultrasound just to confirm everything was OK. As I waited for my appointment, I began to get a little nervous, but tried to reassure myself that everything would be fine. Unfortunately, the ultrasound tech was particularly quiet during the procedure, and I could tell it wasn't good news. A little while later, the doctor took me into an exam room and informed me that what they saw on the ultrasound was not consistent with a baby that should be developed to 6 weeks of gestation, and, most likely, I was experiencing the beginning of a miscarriage. Sure enough, the miscarriage began in earnest later that night.

Jason and I were both shocked and devastated by the news, and Friday was a tough day. Since then, the immediate shock has worn off and I have daily ups and downs-- sometimes feeling OK and accepting it, and other times just feeling a dull sadness or depression about it. I know grief is a process, and it will probably continue like this for a while. After lots of reading, I've learned that almost 9 out of 10 women go on to have a healthy pregnancy after a miscarriage, so I am cautiously optimistic that we'll have better luck next time. I do feel some anxiety about trying a again because I know that as difficult as one miscarriage was, a second one would be exponentially more painful. But, for now, I am trying not to worry about this and to just stay positive and take it one day at a time. When the time is right, we will try again, and I know that in the long run, no matter what happens, everything will be fine.